dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
