I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
