I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
