i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
