My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
