so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
