every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Randomize
