one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
