I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
