woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
