Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
