You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
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