i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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