Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
