My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
