i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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