god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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