i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Is it because I queefed?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
