Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
