life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
