I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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