feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
