Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Do vagina's smell?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
