I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You can't motorboat a personality
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
