my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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