We got so high we made milksteak
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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