i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
