I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
