Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
