I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
