i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
