i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
