these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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