Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
