ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
