just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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