hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
