Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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