my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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