I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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