i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I did not marry a roomba.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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