wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
