just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
