Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
