I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
