I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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