I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
