I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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