i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
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