WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
