there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
