When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
