Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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