I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
