it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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